Mind and matter

I was a chubbsy-ubsy (chub-zee ub-zee) my entire childhood. Up until age 20, my “baby fat” clung to me like white on rice.

High school was the time I put on most of my weight. During my sophomore year, I found the love of my life. And let me tell it like it is: happy weight is real. From sophomore year to senior year, we had gained about 30+lbs together. Around Jermaine and I’s 3rd year together, right after we had graduated high school, he enlisted in the United States Army Reserve.

Two months before Jermaine was scheduled to leave, we began eating clean and working out (not strategically, we were inexperienced). He knew that being physically fit would be necessary for the role of a soldier. I just went with it, doing what he did, because I knew I could use the training. In that time, I learned the basics of my body’s needs and the importance of exercising. He left for basic training the summer of 2015 and I weighed 205lbs. This was the start of a new beginning for the both of us.

I soon began digging deeper into the world of health and fitness. I would research and incorporate workouts that best suited my body type and began eating foods that gave me energy and strength. About one month into it, I began to notice a slight weight decrease. My face was getting slimmer. I was determined to keep up the intensity.

Here is me about 3 months into my weightloss journey. I was still learning what my body liked and disliked. I weighed about 185lbs.

By the time Jermaine returned from his training, which was two days after my 19th birthday, I had lost another five pounds, but it came off painfully slow. Unfortunately, I had hit a plateau.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin

I’m not sure if it was the time apart or the euphoria of bringing in our 4th new year, but Jermaine and I hit it hard! We were in the gym 6 days out of the week along with maintaining a strict diet. In a year and a half, I went from 180lbs to 140lbs.

Although I’d lost the weight I wanted to, I still wasn’t pleased with how I looked. I felt as if I could lose more. 65lbs wasn’t enough…

A few years and much needed attitude shift later…

I’m currently weighing in at 185lbs…and I’m totally content. I’ve realized that it has never been about the numbers on the scale. It wasn’t even about what I looked like. Instead, what matters is my sentiment toward how I look. I needed to get real with me. And quite frankly, it shouldn’t have taken me this long to acknowledge that my lack of confidence largely affected everything else I did in life. However, in the same token, I’m grateful to have learned this great lesson at all. Going through such a thing now could provide a chance for me to help someone else through it later. Most of all, I love the challenge that working out has posed; seeing my body get through an extra set will forever go unmatched. I’m gratified that the voice in my head no longer criticizes, but compliments. I wake up and affirm myself. I look in the mirror and I smile. The roll of fat no longer insults me. I’m owning it!

I’m focused on maintaining a simple and effective routine to follow in order to reach my health goals. There’s a good chance that building on a solid foundation is more important than racing to the finish line, ending up more incomplete and broken than I was when I began.

After all this time, all I needed to do was focus on what mattered.

Need a boost?

If there’s anything that can instantly get me motivated, it’s this song. Get up, dance, and allow the stress to melt away like butter. Break up, out, and free.

6 thoughts on “Mind and matter

  1. I can totally relate to your story , I am pretty sure a lot of people ( who have struggled with weight Will agree 100% with everything in this post) I had problems with my weight, I work hard to lose enough to make me feel comfortable in my own skin but still I didn’t get to the point where I can say I am happy with the reflection in the mirror.
    The confidence and self love are the key of happiness, but I still have to work a lot on these chapters.
    Btw I love your style of writing and the way you are able to express you thought! Keep it up!


  2. Wow sis. I love it. And let me tell you baby that’s the song I would work out to each morning after work when I started. Time to start back.


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